Perfect Love: Heart Over Hand Pt 2
"For man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7 (b)
Motives
In this season of promotion, praise, and harvest, I have had to come to terms with a painful truth. The truth is, the meditations and motivations of my heart became polluted by the pursuit of a platform, power, and wealth. So, when the season called for me to plant seeds of love, intimacy, obedience, and faithfulness. I was too consumed by self-ambition and pride to do so. What is sad is that I did not recognize how my heart had shifted. Therefore, I went on to perform religious duties as normal. God was gracious enough to send people who could discern that my heart had shifted. Yet the pride of life had already hardened my heart. I was blinded by the pursuit of Jesus’s hand over His heart. Ultimately, I traded intimacy with God for idols that left me depressed, anxious, and hopeless. Although this journey of healing has been painful, getting back to the heart of God has been a process of accepting a painful, yet beautiful truth. It is the motivations of the heart that matter most, because from the heart flow decisions and actions. And when the heart is motivated to pursue the heart of God, He can and will reveal, remove, and heal polluted motivations and meditations.
Motivations
In a previous post, I mentioned how the “pride of life” tainted the pure desires God promised me in a season of intimacy. During that season of intimacy, Jesus was my FIRST love and priority. Through our constant communion, He made it clear to me that His heart desired to give me certain promises in line with His plans for my life. My excitement increased; I had spent most of my life believing I would never rise above my family's generational challenges. I was eager to claim everything that had been stolen from my bloodline and me up until that point in time. However, in the process of pursuing what He promised, as led by His Holy Spirit, my heart shifted. In hindsight, I recognized that as my excitement increased, impatience grew as I began to compare my life to my peers. My heart was motivated by the desire to make up for what I perceived as lost time. Fear, depression, and anxiety arose when what He promised did not happen on my timeline. My lack of understanding and patience with His process of preparing me for His promises led me to rush ahead of Him. This is how I ended up making what He promised me, an idol. Ultimately, I attempted to enter into my “promised land” without His presence. And if you are not aware, go and read what happened to the children of Israel as they attempted to enter the Promised Land without God’s presence or protection (Numbers 14:40-45 and Deuteronomy 1:41-46). The repercussions of my decisions hurt more than the pain of not having what I expected on my timeline. That is why scripture reminds us in the Expanded Bible version of Proverbs 21:2, “·You may believe you are doing right [L Every person’s path seems right/straight in their own eyes], but the Lord ·judges your reasons [L weighs your heart]." The painful truth was that I was not willing to be patient enough to receive in God’s perfect timing. If any of this sounds familiar to you. Please take this time to stop, pray, and ask God to reveal the motivations in Your heart that are preventing you from staying focused as you receive His promises.
Meditations
As I began to pursue God’s hand, my distorted motivations morphed into repeated thoughts (meditations) of disappointment, bitterness, and despair. I fell into a cycle of anxiety and depression—a stronghold of entitlement formed in my heart. I thought to myself, “I should have this by now. That should be happening to me based on what God has promised me.” I also thought, “Why isn’t this happening to me the way God promised?” I made God promises into idols when I continuously meditated on ways to obtain them apart from His presence. And when the idols began to disappoint, meditations filled with the fear of failure, hopelessness, and discouragement increased. The more the disappointment grew, the more I began performing religious rituals- through prayer and fasting, with the hope that what God promised would manifest quickly. I became like the scripture mentioned in Matthew 6:7-9. This was dangerous on multiple levels. The meditations of my heart became more about entering God’s presence to obtain things from His hand, not to experience the heart of Jesus. Prayer became more about praying targeted prayer points based on what I idolized. My meditation on scripture was rooted in self-ambition; I would only meditate on scripture that aligned with what I wanted, not what the Holy Spirit would lead me to read to grow, heal, or help someone else. I was living exactly as the Voice Version of Philippians 2:3-4 warns about, "Don't let selfishness and prideful agendas take over. Embrace true humility, and lift your heads to extend love to others. Get beyond yourselves and protecting your own interests; be sincere, and secure your neighbors’ interests first.” Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, join me in meditating on two versus of scripture in the Amplified version, Psalm 19:14 “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable and pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, immovable] rock and my Redeemer.” and Psalm 19:13 “Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous (deliberate, willful) sins; Let them not rule and have control over me. Then I will be blameless (complete), And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.”
Heart Over Hand
The reference scripture, 1 Samuel 16:7 (b), is a great example of God’s process of examining the human heart. God commanded the prophet Samuel to anoint a new king. He looked at the sons of Jesse and saw their strength, positions, and religious accomplishments. Yet God highlighted David, the young shepherd boy, rejected and isolated, who was asked to watch over sheep by himself in the wilderness. David was the one with the heart whom God was well pleased with. He was the one with pure motives and meditations to serve God’s purpose to bring Him glory. David is the perfect example of an imperfect person who God perfected because he maintained a humble pursuit of His heart. Even in David’s moments of sin, temptation, testing, trials, and transgression, he never turned away from praising, seeking, and serving God. David is a great example of a man who was always pursuing the heart of God and not just His hand. That is why in the New International Version of Psalm 32:1-2, David says, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.” My prayer is that as you read this, Peculair Person, and if you find yourself anywhere in this article, that you pause. Confess your sin. Ask God for the grace, strength, and mercy to repent. He can restore your motivations and meditations to purity just as He did for David.
I pray that as you read my reflections, Peculiar Person, that it acts as an inspiration for you to return to your pursuit of the heart of God, not His hand. As I mentioned, David is a great example of an earthly man who constantly pursued God’s heart. He is ultimately a “type and shadow” or mirror of Jesus. On this journey of healing, God graciously reminded me that Jesus is the ultimate example that I should fix my focus on. Jesus was tempted, tested, and tried, but never failed. My prayer has been that Jesus, through His Holy Spirit, will restore my heart posture of loving devotion and obedience. Again, Peculiar Person, I pray that God will reveal, expose, and heal anything that has tried to capture your heart that does not help you to be drawn closer to His. There is a part 3 to this article. Till then, remember that I am on this journey of healing with you. Pray for me as I pray for you!
With Love,
Riva
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SALVATION
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Scriptural Reference
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”
ROMAN 10:9-11
Prayer
LORD JESUS, I CONFESS MY SINS AND ASK FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS. I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD AND DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME AND THEN ROSE IN THREE DAYS. PLEASE COME INTO MY HEART AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. TAKE COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND HELP ME TO WALK IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS DAILY BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR SAVING ME AND FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYER. IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN
